Why can’t I be like a normal mother? And if I let any harm come to may child, I won’t be able to forgive myself!!
Since I found out I was pregnant, I had an overwhelming feeling something was going to go wrong. I didn’t know what those bad things were, but it was going to be my fault. Once the baby was finally born, that feeling of disgust and guilt was very intense for me. This is why, I want to research the meaning of mom guilt and how it can affect people differently. Many moms might think they’re alone in their thoughts of guilt. But I am here to let you know that mom guilt is more normal than you think.
IDENTIFY MOM GUILT
I can remember moments after giving birth to my son, I knew something was wrong which made me upset. I didn’t feel this overwhelming amount of love rushing through my body, that I had witnessed on YouTube birthing Vlogs. They laid him on my chest and all I wanted was to have someone take him off of me, because I was in a serve amount of pain. I had the idea that all the pain of pregnancy and labor would melt away once the child was in my arms. So to my surprise, I felt horrible for rejecting my baby and didn’t feel worthy of this beautiful gift. Now, not to mention I am being stitched up for tearing and experiencing the dreaded ring of fire. I thought I was too selfish and unfit to be a mother at that time.
According to Healthline’s website, mom guilt is defined as the feeling of not doing enough, not doing things right, or making choices that can scare them for life. I couldn’t agree more with this definition because these very thoughts seemed to be never ending. My reaction after the birth of my child was the first many moments of guilt, that I will continue to battle though in my motherhood journey.
WHAT CAN CASUE GUILT?
Now, I am not a doctor but I believe reasons for guilt can be external and internal. What I mean by this, is that people around you such as family, friends, and even complete strangers can have a huge affect on you. They want the best for you and only they only want to offer their best advice, that is based off of their experiences, no your own.
Also social media is another factor that contributed to my false idea of motherhood. People only want to show the positive parts and this can put the idea into head that you have to be a perfect mom all the time.
Doctors and other medical professionals can add to the stresses of parenthood. You can begin to feel inadequate. I think the many factors of mom guilt is our own thoughts inside our head. I have always had this need to be perfect, even as a young child. So if I am not perfect, I am a complete failure in every sense of the way.
If I make a mistake as a mother, I now feel like a horrible person. I know, that really seems a bit dramatic but this is truly how I was feeling. There felt there was no way to escape my crazy thoughts in my mind. But the reality is, help is out there; we just have to be willing to look for it.
COMBATING MOM GUILT
For some mothers, they don’t recognize the signs of the guilt and believe this is normal feeling for motherhood. By internalizing the feelings of guilt and keeping everything in, will make simple tasks very difficult. This behavior can take a toll on everyday life and can become harmful to you and others around you. People want to begin to label you the “crazy women” and that is certainly not okay in my eyes. Heatlhline Parenthood website, states if you think your mom guilt is creating high levels of anxiety, so it is important to inform your doctor as soon as possible This could be related to mental illness, such as postpartum anxiety and depression. Like the old saying goes, if mama’s not happy, nobody’s happy. So don’t feel ashamed to asks for help because you have to make sure you are okay and so you can care of the baby.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Being a parent, let alone a new parent, is terrify because you’re now responsible for a tiny person. If anything goes down hill, it’s your fault, because you know you can’t prevent all of the bad moments and events that could happen to this child. I know that it’s not what could happen, but how I will react to that situation.
As good friend once told me, no one knows what is best for the baby than you, because you are the mother. Just make sure to follow your gut and everything will fall into place.
