Introduction:
“Would love to say that this time has flown by the last five years, but the first few formative years of parenthood has been long and difficult. I am proud of myself that I have made it this far.”
It is hard to believe it has been five years, since we welcomed our son into this world. I know that might be cliche to say, but at the same time feels like it was just yesterday. A true paradox, where 5 minutes can feel like an entire lifetime, all at the same time. My motherhood journey has been filled with blood, a lot of sweat, and oceans of tears. But with just a simple loving look from my son can out weigh everything. I am using this time to reflect on how parenthood has effected me and how I have changed for the better.
Recovery & Healing
Since 2019, I have been in constant cognitive behavioral therapy to receive urgent assistance with postpartum depression. I am forever grateful for my family and licensed counselor, Christina, for continuing to guide me through this process. With the help of journaling, physical and mental exercises, I have been able to combat my irrational thoughts and reframe them to better fit my current emotional needs. I also have seen my primary care provider to make sure my anti-depressions and other medications are working properly. Making sure my mind and body are functioning well, should guarantee my longevity and I can be healthy and present for my child.
I don’t have to feel guilty for taking time to better myself as I would have five years ago. I am constantly adding to my tool box of resources such as pelvic floor physical therapy and Body Code sessions. I am always on the lookout for alternative methods of healing that could be missed by primary care providers. I have also come to understand that the healing process never really ends, it is something I will continue to do throughout the rest of my life.
Building Boundaries
With the increase of social media’s information overload, we have the notion that we can self diagnose ourselves with every mental illness on the planet. But, when I put my phone down and sit quietly alone with my own thoughts, I am able to center myself. It’s just me, myself and I, at the end of the day and I can decided how I want to move forward.
My intrusive thoughts come flooding inland it can become very overwhelming. When I do get to this point, I write them down so I am able to see if they are rational or irrational thoughts. Sometimes, I can get so caught up in my own head and start overthinking my every move. I give myself the option to break them down into minor pieces and this helps me process my feelings in a healthy way. Once I am able to make better decisions, I can then begin to express my needs to other people. This leaves me less vulnerable to be influenced by other’s opinions. Setting my own limits has been beneficial for me and my family because I’m able to realize when a break is needed.
Giving Myself Grace
As I move through this parenthood thing, I’m able to have gratitude for the simple things in life. Like the power of a long hot shower can make me feel like a whole new person. Prior to having my son, I knew that my focus in like was going to change drastically once bring a child into the world. But once the time came, I would then put 100% of my effort to my baby and would leave nothing left for myself, not understanding how this would break me down slowly over time. With the assistance of therapy and other interventions, I am trying to give myself grace, even when things seem like they are falling apart. Progress over perfection is my mantra, and I use it to remind myself that I am exactly where I need to be.
Final Thoughts
I am proud to say, I am a wonderful mother. Five years ago, I wouldn’t have said this about myself. I struggled with being a mother and was angry with myself because I didn’t enjoy it. I also understand that everyone’s experience is going to be different and that is okay. I made the decision to keep trying even when I felt like giving up. So I will continue to use my resources and remain open minded to alternative methods of healing because I deserve it and my family deserves the best version of me.
